Leading While Bleeding

Isaiah 53:5 – “But he was wounded for our transgressions…”

It was Wednesday night.

I stood on the platform, guitar in hand, trying to sing “God Will Work It Out.” But I didn’t feel that way. The words were getting lost in my tears.

Two days earlier, I had walked into the bank and told them we couldn’t make the payments. Our church was $2.5 million in debt. The daycare had collapsed. We’d just come through COVID, a derecho had torn through our city, and we had barely survived a painful church split. Years of blood, sweat, and sacrifice all poured into a vision had left me standing at a crossroads I never thought I’d face.

I was worn down. Not by laziness. Not by sin. But by the storm.

That Wednesday, there was no light at the end of the tunnel. Just the platform, the song, and the people of God. I knew they needed hope. So I sang. I led. I lifted my voice while holding back the collapse. Most of them had no idea what I had just walked through.

But this is what it means to lead while bleeding.

It means showing up when you’d rather stay home.

It means declaring faith while your own feels fragile.

It means holding onto God when every visible outcome seems like a loss.

And let’s be honest, nobody trains you for this part.

We have conferences and coaching for vision, structure, team building, and growth. But nobody hands you a manual for standing on stage after betrayal. For preaching hope while carrying heartbreak. For lifting others while silently asking God, “But what about me?”

I wrote in The Church Hurt Pastor:

“I didn’t stop leading. I couldn’t. Not because I was strong, but because I was desperate to still believe that what I preached was true. So I preached it, until my heart started to listen again.”

Isaiah wrote it like this:

“He was wounded for our transgressions. He was bruised for our iniquities…”

Jesus didn’t wait until He was healed to save us.

He didn’t postpone His mission until the pain subsided.

He led while bleeding.

And friend, if you’re doing the same, you’re not alone.

Maybe you’re carrying the weight of disappointment. Maybe the numbers are down, the finances are thin, and you’re wondering how much longer you can hold it together. Maybe you’re giving everything and feeling nothing in return.

But I want you to hear this:

He never left.

He wasn’t lying when He said He would never forsake you.

Even when it felt like the silence was louder than His voice, He was there.

I didn’t see the light right away. There was no angelic rescue in the bank office. No immediate answer on the balance sheet. But I remember sitting in my car, empty, and still whispering: “I believe.” Not because it made sense. But because I’d rather collapse in faith than survive in unbelief.

Here is what I’ve learned:

God is not just with us in the breakthrough. He is with us in the breakdown.

He’s not afraid of your tears, your doubts, or your unanswered questions.

He walks into dark places, not just to pull us out, but to sit with us in it. To remind us we are not forgotten. And to prove that wounded leaders are not wasted leaders.

So, to every pastor, every church planter, every leader standing in a season like this:

You can still lead.

You can still worship.

You can still believe.

Even when it hurts.

Even when the crowd doesn’t know the cost.

There is healing.

There is a way through.

There is One who led while bleeding, and He hasn’t let go of you.